Tonight we came home from dinner with friends and my attention turned to Bella. Following a quick carrot "treat" I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk. We strolled down the gravel driveway (was she trying to eat rocks???...a favorite past time of her brother Buck) and at a hundred feet before the driveway turns into the woods I decided to turn back for home. She was walking slowly with her head down. I called to to my side and stroked her head and neck, asking her softly if she was OK. My impression is that she is showing her age more than ever and this late in the day, after two rounds of tennis ball retrieving, she acted like she was out of gas. We started for the house and she walked slowly. I wondered, "Is she slipping away? How much more time do we have? Does she feel sick?"
This is both better and worse than how we lost Buck, who went downhill in days. We barely had time to say goodbye. With Bella we have had months to do everything with her that we can and to make sure that nothing goes unsaid or undone. On the other hand, it is such a difficult process to see her decaying. I am so profoundly sad that we are going to lose sweet Bella.
It is breaking my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment