My Best Friend

Its been just over 24 hours since Bella's death and I am not doing well.  I am constantly flooded with her memory and keep expecting her to be looking out the window for me when I drive up or come wagging her tail when I come through the front door.  This afternoon I left to get a haircut and for and instant I thought, "Now, what time do I need to get back to feed Bella?"  I am deeply, deeply sad and can't stop crying when her memory floods over me. I have NEVER grieved like this before and it is awful.

I have to confront the fact that she's gone and that I have lost my most frequent companion and best friend.  I suppose that calling a pet your best friend is an idiotic idea, but it really is true.  I spent more time with Bella than Sherry or my boys or KC and her leaving is ripping a gigantic, ragged hole in my heart.  I miss her so much...its just unbelievable.

Bella loved to hear guitar music and when I sat down in my office to play she'd come from the other end of the house and lay down in my office while I played.  It was so nice to see her do this.  During her last day at home she was in my office and I found a ten hour loop of mellow acoustic guitar music and played this for hours for her. I hope it helped her deal with her pain.

Today I called the vet and to find out if she's been delivered to the crematorium yet.  I learned that she's still at the vet.  The receptionist asked if I wanted to come get her and for a second I thought about doing that.  I know that would make no sense and would just make a mess of things.  She needs to be cremated, but I can't stop wondering where she is.