Yesterday I did my daily walk to Bella's Corner. It begins with me going through the motions of gathering Bella and her Chuck-it and heading out to the barn for a phantom retrieving session with her. It's often a very emotional session for me in which I am flooded with memories of her.
I thought about our last real session on Saturday, May 11, 2019. She showed me all of the passion for what we were doing that I'd come to expect and had witnessed on a daily basis for years. What I did not understand at the time was that she had five days left to live. And that in just two days, she'd be unable to stand on her own.
It occurred to me that she must have been feeling awful at the time. She could not possibly have been free from pain or other serious symptoms on Saturday. And yet, there she was tearing after that tennis ball as passionately as ever. She was somehow able to overcome the pain and sickness she must have been feeling to do what she loved. This is the gutsy, fearless nature that Bella showed throughout her life. I am so proud to have been her owner and friend and to have seen her passion and bravery up close. She was an amazing animal and I miss her so much.
On Sunday, May 12, 2019 I decided that I need a break from Sherry and spent an entire day driving in the mountains. This was to be Bella's last good day and Sherry told me that she chased tennis balls and hunted lizards all day in her garden. I am so glad that Sherry got to spend an uninterrupted day with Bella and that Bella had one more of her trips to the Garden. It occurs to me that I could have been with her as well, but instead, had a self-indulgent day of feeling sorry for myself. I blew it, I missed out on her last good day on earth. I will regret this decision for the rest of my life.
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