Today I dropped off the payment for Bella's euthanasia and cremation at Clarkesville Vet. Coincidentally (or maybe not) I got a voice mail from them telling me that Bella's ashes were back and could be picked up. Hearing someone say "Bella's ashes" hit me like a hammer in the head and it immediately brought tears to my eyes. Although I've thought about her cremation every day since she died, the reality of it all was driven home with that simple voice mail.
On my way back home from driving to Athens with KC to return the equipment we rented for Jon and Keila's engagement party, I dropped by the vet. Fighting back my tears, I entered the vet's office for what is, in all likelihood, the very last time. I approached the counter and told them why I was there. Minutes later, with the box containing her ashes on my lap, I drove home.
After dinner I took a portion of her ashes and walked around the farm dropping ashes in her favorite spots...in the front year, beneath the willow tree, along the driveway going to the barn and at Bella's Corner where we spent so much time retrieving tennis balls. It was a deeply emotional experience for me. I think I'll keep the remaining ashes in my night stand where she'll be close to Sherry and I.
Bella has come full circle and is now back at the farm, her home and playground for her entire life . It doesn't ease the pain of losing her a bit but I do take some comfort in the life we helped her to have. She lived a full and active life on a farm that represented her universe with a half brother and owners she loved. She was loved as fully as any pet has ever been loved and I will think about her every day for as long as I live.
I love you Bella.
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